You’ve seen them hanging around the 7-Eleven, at your grocery store, in vending machines even at your local pub. But outside of these ordinary everyday Energy Drinks and Energy Shots there is a plethora of caffeinated products available on the market. Now most of these you won’t see in any brick and mortar stores, or in the hands of most sane people, but if you dig just a little bit online, you will see highly caffeinated products that will astound and stump you all at once. So let’s take a look at the 15 most unusual yet highly caffeinated products available on the market.
1) Blood Punch Energy Potion
Now normally energy drinks and shots are nothing out of the ordinary, but when you put the caffeinated ingredients in something that looks like a hospital blood bag, then you have an unusual product which by all means should sell quite well when considering the large vampire population in New Mexico and the insane popularity of Twilight. (No, there is not actually real blood in here)
2) Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap
The best part of waking up is no longer Folgers in Your Cup. Now all you have to do is roll out of bed and grab that 4 ounce bar of Shower Shock and go to town. Couple the 200 milligrams of caffeine per serving (similar to a Monster Energy Drink with a cold shower and you have one hell of a wake-up call. Caution – don’t eat soap, it doesn’t taste good.
3) Energy Snuff
For those of us who would rather not drink or shower to get our morning kick, we can now just snort it. That’s right, Snuff is now caffeinated. Products like Akuz Energy Bullets from Mr. Snuff now give you the luxury of snorting energy right up your nose. Sexy, I know…
4) Blow Energy Drink Mix
Looks like there is more than one product that allows you to snort your caffeinated breakfast. Ok, not really… since blow is not actually meant to be snorted, although they do give you a plastic vile and mirror. So who wouldn’t want to try Blow Energy Drink Mix… I mean it gives you the cool look and simulation of doing the real thing (Cocaine). And if you are not satisfied with that, you can move on to the real stuff or just start mainlining your caffeine. Ok seriously, drugs are bad; don’t do them and don’t snort or mainline the blow energy drink mix either.
5) Timmy’s Torrid Tonic – Caffeinated Hot Sauce
That’s right, now you can spice up your favorite foods and juice them with caffeine at the same time. With 12.5 milligrams of caffeine per serving and 30 servings per bottle, Timmy’s Torrid Tonic Hot Sauce is not overly caffeinated compared to some of the products just discussed, but the irony may still be there.
6) Caffeinated Alcohol
While most people may have heard of Sparks, Jaeger bombs, or caffeinated beer from Budweiser, but I bet you haven’t heard of your favorite tequila or vodka being laced with caffeine as well. Vangogh Vodka offers coffee flavored vodka and gin with a splash of caffeine. It doesn’t stop there… Don’t forget about Vicious Vodka or if you are feeling a little girly, give Pink Vodka from the p.i.n.k. Spirits Company a try. I don’t know why this wasn’t invented sooner… I mean, who doesn’t need to be jacked up on caffeine when hammered???
7) NRG Potato Chips
That’s right! For those of you who need that extra get up and go while pigging out on potato chips on the couch. It makes perfect sense. I mean eating potato chips is exhausting, so if you add caffeine to the mix, it makes it that much easier to get your fat ass up off the couch.
#8) Caffeinated Breakfast
Breakfast is an important meal, so we better make sure there is caffeine in there right? Oatmeal is no longer good enough as a standalone breakfast item to get you energized for the day, caffeine is needed. Enter Morning Spark Oatmeal with 80 milligrams to be exact which is equivalent to an 8.4 ounce Red Bull. You can now get your fiber, protein and caffeine all in one sitting while reading the paper. And if you want a less healthy alternative, maybe one with a bit more sugar, Try Spazztroids, your new favorite Hyper-Caffeinated Cereal!
9) Caffeinated Candy
As if loads of sugar was not enough for kids these days, someone had to decide to cram caffeine into the mix as well. Energy mints, gums, candy bars, lollipops (Charms Maxxed Lollipops), pretty much whatever sort of candy you liked as a kid now comes caffeinated. Even big brands like Snickers have jumped on the band wagon with the Snickers Charged bar. Doh, Homer Simpson doesn’t have a chance to catch Bart anymore now that the classic Butterfinger comes as Butterfinger Buzz.
10) Primer Caffeinated Breath Spray
Got bad breath and you are tired? Well, you are in luck as Primer Caffeinated Breath Spray has solved your problem. One spray has 33 milligrams of caffeine. For $4.99, you can 42 sprays or almost 1400 milligrams of caffeine. The combination of the two should help those poor adolescent boys get that first kiss that much quicker…
11) Sum Seeds – Caffeinated Sunflower Seeds
Your favorite baseball player chews sunflower seeds, but he seems to be just a little bit better at the sport? Could he be chewing on Caffeinated Sunflower Seeds? Probably not… but why not try to get generations of pee wee and t-ball players hooked on caffeine? Probably safer than steroids…
12) Caffeine Tights
For all you ladies (and gentlemen?) looking for a little bit of pick me (for your legs) then check out the caffeine tights from Skinkiss. Not only will your legs feel rejuvenated but they are supposed to help burn fat and smooth your skin out. Now I can’t back that up as I really don’t wear tights (sans occasional Halloween Costumer), but give me a pair of Caffeinated long johns and we may have a deal. I can see it now…. Guys, when you are out there in your deer stands at the crack of dawn fighting to stay awake, try caffeinated long johns. The caffeine will keep you awake so you don’t miss that big buck and when you are done skinning it your legs will feel rejuvenated.
13) Caffeinated Ice Cream
I think you might as well lump this one in with the NRG Potato Chips because caffeinated ice cream will also give you that extra get up and go while wallowing in your sorrows eating ice cream on the couch. Most notable of the ice cream seems to come from none other then Ben & Jerry’s with there Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. One serving is good for 41 milligrams of caffeine whereas if you get stuck on the couch and end up eating the whole pint, you will have consumed 168 milligrams of caffeine, giving yourself just enough energy to change the channel.
14) Spazz Stick – Caffeinated Lip Balm
You know, just in case your lips are running out of energy from making out with your first girlfriend after using aforementioned Primer Breath Spray. But don’t worry, it also works as a lip balm, helping relieve your first case of herpes. Don’t know where to buy it, but it’s made in Alaska where it is cold and dark most of the year…. So I guess it may actually make sense of you live in Alaska and can’t get your hands on Caffeinated Long Johns.
15) Nixie Tubes
Not to be confused with the sugary Pixie Stix’s… Oh no, Nixie Tubes are not only sugar, they are also crammed with 100 milligrams of caffeine. Kid’s these days have all the cool candy. When I was growing up I was satisfied with just sugar and Ritalin.
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